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You can
"interview" a church
You can "interview" a
church just like you'd interview a photographer,
caterer or DJ. High quality churches are happy to
answer your interview questions.
What is the
church's FEE for hosting a
wedding?
Issues regarding the
church's fee:
1. A wedding causes some
actual costs to a church: Paying a
janitor, air conditioning or heating, lighting;
paying a staff employee to have the keys and lock
up the building afterwards. In some areas churches
may need to pay an actual security guard or
building engineer, due to high-value professional
sound equipment and other assets that need to be
protected using paid employees.
2. Sound man, minister,
janitor and wedding coordinators who provide hours
of service to the public eventually need to be paid
- either through donations or fees. Some churches
have staff dedicated enough to provide these
services anyway, whether paid or not. But staff who
are rarely paid will eventually burn out.
3. Smaller churches
often have very reasonable fees to host a
wedding.
4. Large and
architecturally beautiful churches tend to have
high fees to host a wedding. Sometimes too high,
perhaps.
Historically marriage has been a ministry of the
church, like baptisms or Bible teaching. Churches
wouldn't dream of charging high fees for those
ministries.
Weddings are the rare occasion when a church has
the opportunity to "show off" its good points to
the public. Treat guests right and many of them
will happily come back later to be ministered to.
Isn't that why a church exists in the first place?
People who are successfully ministered to
eventually join a church and start contributing
money to it. Hitting brides with high fees is
absurd.
Are fees
different for members compared to
outsiders?
Many churches charge less
for brides who already attend their church.
Consider attending or joining the church and save
the money, if it's a good church to begin
with.
Some churches have a fee
schedule that covers specific items --- janitor,
sound man, security guard, etc. --- and the rest of
the "fee" is a matter of voluntary donations.
Sometimes the donation amount is "suggested" (such
as an honorarium for the pastor or wedding
coordinator).
How do
I find a church with lower
fees?
Smaller-size local churches have lower fees
because they are supported by regular donations
from their members, don't have weddings that often,
and don't see weddings as a source of income.
Some large churches (including "Calvary
Chapel" which is actually a denomination
name) keep their fees low as a ministry
commitment. Calvary Chapels tend to be built in
office or industrial areas instead of on prime real
estate, and avoid expensive architecture, to keep
their overhead costs lower.
What hours
will the church be available to you on the wedding
day?
On the wedding day, can
you arrive at the church early to get dressed and
set up? (If you get dressed at the church,
the bride and her assistants should be allowed to
arrive 2 hours early.)
Can you come and decorate
the church, or the aisles, or a reception
area? This may not be practical at some
churches if more than one wedding or event is
scheduled for the same day.
On the wedding day, can
you remain at the church long enough to complete
formal portraits after the ceremony, without
getting run out early before the pictures are
completed? (My rule of thumb estimate
is: you need two hours after the scheduled
start time of the wedding.)
What other events or weddings
are scheduled the same day as your
wedding?
If churches have another wedding happening
before and/or after yours, it is critically
important to know that fact, and to be told what
their schedules are.
Catholic churches will perform a wedding
every two hours during popular
seasons. Oddly your priest who performs wedding #2
may not be aware of weddings #1 or #3, because #1
and #3 had been set up by different staff
members.
Also the Catholic staff doesn't think to tell
you about the late Saturday afternoon Mass which
may directly affect your photography schedule.
Since they have Saturday afternoon Mass every
Saturday it doesn't occur to them to tell you about
it.
The reason it's important to know about other
events, is so the photographer or wedding planner
can work with you on a Plan B for group portraits
in case you're suddenly tossed out of the church
while you thought you had been cleared to shoot
portraits.
To avoid that unpleasant surprise I recommend a
three pronged approach:
1. Plan your wedding day schedule with
your photographer and/or with a very experienced
wedding planner.
2. Absolutely start your ceremony when
you plan to start it. I recommend 10 minutes
after the scheduled start time.
If you start the ceremony even a few minutes
later than that for no good reason, you will
mess up the day's scheduling of your limousine, the
portrait photography, the chef, the ceremony venue,
the reception venue, the disc jockey ---
everything.
3. Ask what other events are scheduled
before and after yours, but don't rely on them 100%
to tell you the truth. (Not because they're lying.
They're just not coordinated between the various
staff members and volunteers who make schedule
commitments.)
Some churches have tight
schedules, but not all churches are like that
Many popular Catholic churches schedule weddings
at 2-hour intervals. Here's the explanation. As a
matter of policy, they are NOT trying to
satisfy your photo needs. Their priority is
to satisfy their denominational need to
accomplish a specific Catholic sacrament. The
Catholic marriage ceremony, which they call a
sacrament, is one of several specific life
milestones they provide for their members. And
their priority is to utilizes their
buildings efficiently while performing
ceremonies.
If their priority is different from yours, be
aware so you can plan appropriately --- either by
choosing a less popular date to get married on, or
by choosing a less popular church location, or a
different denomination. Smaller, less elegant
church buildings have less demand upon their
schedules.
I encounter two-hour church scheduling problems
primarily in Catholic churches. Non-Catholic
churches have less aggressive scheduling.
(Non-Catholic denominations include Lutheran,
Baptist, Calvary Chapel, Presbyterian, Foursquare,
Church of the Nazarene, Assemblies of God, and all
"independent" churches.)
WEDDING PLANNERS: By the way
I do like the concept of hiring a
professional, independent wedding planner. Her fee
could be $2,000 but she will probably save
you the entire cost of her fee by avoiding
waste.
An experienced planner/coordinator will keep
your schedule on track, reduce your stress, and
give you better memories of a relaxed and terrific
wedding day.
A wedding planner who works for a hotel or
country club is probably experienced but won't
have the independence to save you money in certain
areas. An in-house planner is required to favor
services offered through that venue and its
business partners.
A wedding coordinator who works for a
church (probably on a volunteer basis) can be
very helpful too. But a volunteer will lack the
broad experience of someone who has done this
professionally at many locations over many years.
And as a volunteer they will not have the same
number of hours to devote to your specific
needs. A volunteer has outside time commitments too
-- family, outside job, etc.
Is DANCING
permitted at the church, if you're having your
reception there
too?
Churches divide into three
camps for dancing.
Scenario 1: A couple's
First Dance is fine but no open dancing at the
reception.
Scenario 2: Dancing is
fine for everyone at the reception, but no dirty
dancing, keep it discreet, and no dance music which
has edgy lyrics. Warning! Discuss the music play
list in advance with your disk jockey! (To avoid
embarrassing dance music, a DJ's play list is a
great idea no matter where your reception is going
to be located.)
Scenario 3: Some churches
want no dancing at the church at all, in which case
you may prefer an off-site venue for your
reception.
Here's the logic. Dancing
is never mentioned in the Bible as a sin. But
churches want to avoid offensive language (in
music) or embarrassing behaviors on their church
grounds.
What about
AIR CONDITIONING or heating in the
church?
If it's a summer wedding,
will you be able to keep the church's air
conditioning turned on at a comfortable
temperature? Important: Will they
let you have the air conditioning turned on until
all photo portraits have been completed
after the ceremony? (If you're
dripping with perspiration because they shut off
the air conditioner while you're taking formal
pictures, it's a bad thing, even if the church
might save $4 on electricity.) Achieve an
understanding in advance.
Another gimmick is, some
churches lock their thermostat to a
money-saving worthless setting where everyone is
miserable. I've never understood the reasoning of a
church that would charge you $400 to use the
facility, then makes you miserable to save $5 worth
of electricity.
If you agree to pay the
church a fee to host your ceremony, I strongly
recommend you negotiate an additional $5 to have
the thermostat kept at a comfortable level --
during the ceremony and also during group
portrait photography after the ceremony.
If they're unwilling to
cooperate, maybe find a better church. Thousands of
fine churches exist to serve their
constituents.
What is the
PHOTOGRAPHY POLICY inside the
church?
Our policy is to use
flash photography ONLY during the
PROCESSIONAL and recessional parts of a
wedding. This is acceptable to 95% of churches
today.
Why is camera flash needed
during the processional? Because when
people are walking up an aisle, their MOTION
will cause the pictures to be blurred. Electronic
flash solves the problem. Flash freezes motion.
See example below of what happens when flash
isn't used during the processional.
Caption: Photo above is
from a recent wedding in England.
The no-flash
rule explained
Once upon a time, a photographer used lots of
flash during a ceremony and it distracated the
minister. So churches came up with
a "no flash during the
ceremony" rule. Here is what that actually means
translated into English:
It
really means: No flash once the
pastor starts speaking.
Fortunately,
a bride walks up the aisle before the pastor starts
the speaking portion of the ceremony.
The
occasional problem
Many volunteer church
wedding coordinators are poorly trained and have
no idea of what their own church's
photography rule is all about. In her zeal the
coordinator may stop the photographer from taking
pictures which the bride expects him to
take. Like a photo of the bride walking up the
aisle. So it's a good idea to clarify that rule
before the wedding day.
A photographer really does
want to take every picture the bride expects him to
take. He doesn't want to explain to an angry bride
later why he didn't take a picture of her walking
up the church aisle!
A poorly informed wedding
coordinator gives a bad name to her church and
damages her pastor's ministry work. It discourages
brides & photographers from ever wanting to
attend that church later. Pastors take
note.
Is champagne
permitted if you are having a reception at the
church?
The majority of American
churches don't want alcohol on their property.
European churches are more
relaxed about alcohol, realizing the chemical is
only a chemical. The real issue is how individual
people choose to behave.
There is an exception.
Catholic churches are generally okay with alcohol.
Large Catholic churches have reception halls on
their grounds in which members hold wedding
receptions, complete with music, dancing, and
alcohol.
When churches don't allow
alcohol use, it's generally because the founders
of their denomination saw families destroyed by
various addictions, and would hope to avoid it. The
Bible itself speaks against misuse of
alcohol but not against the substance.
What about
VIDEOGRAPHY?
We always cooperate 100% with your
videographer, whether amateurs or professional.
Video is a great thing to have. There are about
four technical questions I suggest discussing
with videographers before you hire one.
First: lighting. Some "broadcast
quality" video cameras require extra bright
lighting during ceremonies. Before booking your
videographer ask him whether he needs to add
halogen lights during the ceremony. Some churches
won't allow extra lighting.
Also if you are planning a very dim candle-lit
ceremony, possibly NO video camera can provide
satisfactory results. So discuss your ceremony
plans with your videographer before you hire
him.
Second, audio. It's hard to pick up
dialiogue (especially vows) from a distance.
So many videographers will use wireless
microphones. But if he uses lapel mic's, which work
OK technically, the groom who wears the mic has to
watch what he says. It will pick up embarrassing
slips of the gongue. So ask if your video person
can edit the sound skip anything embarrassing.
Third, how many video cameras. I
recommend TWO cameras for the ceremony (some use a
third camera also). ONE camera is sufficient for
the reception.
The reason you need two cameras minimum for a
ceremony, is people keep walking in front of the
video lens (the lens can't see through them.) So
you need a second camera angle. Even if the video
camera is set up carefully based upon the
rehearsal, it doesn't help. Because at the actual
ceremony, people won't stand where you expected,
they will stand in front of the video lens.
Fourth, copy protection. Some video's are
set up you so you can't copy them (so extra copies
have to be purchased from the videographer.) The
problem is you won't be able to digitally
"refresh" the copies when the DVD's start to
fade. And eventually your video will become
unusable. If you expect to show the video to future
kids or grandchildren, you should ind a
videographer who agrees to not use copy protection.
All DVD disks WILL fade over time and need to
be "refreshed" by re-copying. See our page web page
about how long digital disks will last. Click
here
We do not perform videography ourselves. Early
in his career Doug shot video, but concluded he
needed to concentrate on still photography
alone.
Does a church
require pre-marital counseling? Is
it available?
Doug's perspective: I
believe this is the best part of wedding planning.
Because if a marriage
eventually fails, all those fancy wedding details
you worked on become worthless.
Pre-marital counselling
helps an engaged couple to get their expectations
out on the table for their future spouse to see.
Whatever those expectations are, smart or goofy, do
the two of you actually agree on
them?
Smart or goofy isn't the
issue. Agreement is. If you agree on things you'll
probably stay married.
Hint ...
Don't
marry a person so you can change them later --- it
doesn't work!!!
If you don't believe me, just ask any
counselor or divorce attorney how often they've
seen that be successful !!!
Answer the following
two questions accurately before a wedding and
you'll probably stay married...
1.
Do
you REALLY agree on expectations, or does your
potential spouse say "sure" and then plans to
blind side you later?
2.
Do you expect monogamy or are you marrying into a
sub-culture that promotes affairs? -- and expects
the other spouse to just put up with
it? Even though vows include a monogamy
promise, you'll want to find out beforehand if your
potential spouse actually means
it.
Asking the following questions
also help to assure a marriage that will
last...
3. Does your
potential spouse plan to be married to
you or to their previous
family?
(If in-law
pressure occurs, will your spouse honor YOU, or
sacrifice you to appease the family they come
from?)
4. Does your
potential spouse have anger issues or
addictions?
Marriage
counselors say that people are on their best
behavior during dating. If anger, violence or
addictions are showing up while dating, they can be
expected to grow worse after marriage.
5. If your
potential spouse's family had a history of child
abuse, how would you handle visits of your
future children to
them?
Child abuse
experts say it's common for an abusive older parent
to guilt-trip their adult children, to gain
unsupervised access to grandkids. The purpose is so
they can abuse your future children also.
Suggestion: Discuss with your fiance what
level of access you'd agree to permit. Decide
whether your priority is to "forgive" parents or to
protect the next generation.
6. Do you agree
on religious views?
(There are
four reasons for this question. First, behaviors
like monogamy and honesty tend to be associated
with religious values. Second, general agreement on
"stuff" makes for a marriage that is pleasant.
Third, religion might not seem important to you
today, but it often becomes important to a
couple once children start being born. Fourth, the
Christian Bible teaches a believer should only
marry another believer.)
If your religious
background was unpleasant, there's no law
that says you have to continue attending the same
obnoxious denomiation. This is America. A different
church across town could be a breath of fresh air.
A
wedding photographer's perspective - Here's what I
learned behind the scenes about churches
WHEN
I EVALUATE A CHURCH'S QUALITY I look at three
things...
First, is the
behavior of that church's staff consistent
with what they claim to believe. Are they honest,
helpful, approachable. Or not.
Second, are their
beliefs "normal" or weird.
Third, how are the
ordinary people who attend that
church --- honest, trustworthy,
helpful? Or snooty, ill
tempered?
I am not overly picky
about which denomination a church is -- as long as
it succeeds on these three characteristics.
There's absolutely no need
in America to be stuck attending a creepy church.
When getting married why not pick one you're
comfortable with.
Churches are like
restaurants...
Shooting
weddings over 20+ years and seeing churches behind
the scenes I made an unexpected
discovery:
You can have two
churches of the same denomination (fill in
the blank for any denomination) where one
church is horrible and the other
"identical" church across town is very
good.
So if a person had bad
experiences at Church XYZ, it is simply not true
that every church is just like them.
That principle is true
whether one is rating churches or restaurants.
Logically, people who have
been "turned off to church" should consider
trying a better church across town. Hey - did you
give up food because you used to eat at a bad
restaurant? No - You stop eating at that bad
restaurant and find a normal one!
Please seek out a normal
church -- even if that disappoints your dear
sainted Aunt Hilda.
Principle: Churches
will be good or bad for the same reasons as
restaurants. It is a function of the character
of their leaders and staff. The leaders and staff
determine the quality of food they will feed you.
Bad food means bad leaders.
Feel free to
reproduce this page if you give credit to the
author and include this website's URL link.
If you would like to find a high quality church
in our area, please e-mail or call me. I'm familiar
with most of them, either by reputation or by
personal experience there. I'll tell you which
churches I know are good and which ones I'd
avoid. I'm not on anyone's payroll to push a
particular denomination.
If you want to know what are the differences
between denominations, excellent paperback books
are available on this subject at any Christian
bookstore. Or you can look it up it online at
websites such as www.equip.org
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