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You can
"interview" a church
You can "interview" a
church just like you'd interview a photographer,
caterer or DJ. High quality churches are happy to
answer your interview questions.
What is the
church's FEE for hosting a
wedding?
Issues regarding the
church's fee:
1. A wedding causes some
actual costs to a church: Paying a
janitor, air conditioning or heating, lighting;
paying a staff employee to have the keys and lock
up the building afterwards. In some areas churches
may need to pay an actual security guard or
building engineer, due to high-value professional
sound equipment and other assets that need to be
protected using paid employees.
2. Sound man, minister,
janitor and wedding coordinators who provide hours
of service to the public eventually need to be paid
- either through donations or fees. Some churches
have staff dedicated enough to provide these
services anyway, whether paid or not. But staff who
are rarely paid will eventually burn out.
3. Smaller churches often
have very reasonable fees to host a wedding.
4. Large and
architecturally beautiful churches tend to have
high fees to host a wedding. Sometimes too high.
Excessive church fees have
always bothered me because weddings are the rare
occasion when a church has the opportunity to "show
off" its good points to the public. Treat the
guests right and some of them will come back later
to be ministered to. Isn't that why a church exists
in the first place? People who are successfully
ministered to eventually join a church and start
contributing money to it. Hitting brides with high
fees is absurd.
Are fees
different for members compared to
outsiders?
Many churches charge less
for brides who already attend their church.
Consider attending or joining the church and save
the money, if it's a good church to begin
with.
Some churches have a fee
schedule that covers specific items --- janitor,
sound man, security guard, etc. --- and the rest of
the "fee" is a matter of voluntary donations.
Sometimes the donation amount is "suggested" (such
as an honorarium for the pastor or wedding
coordinator).
How do
I find a church with lower
fees?
Smaller-size local churches have lower fees
because they are supported by regular donations
from their members, don't have weddings that often,
and don't see weddings as a source of income.
Some large churches (including "Calvary
Chapel" which is actually a denomination
name) keep their fees low as a ministry
commitment. Calvary Chapels tend to be built in
office or industrial areas instead of on prime real
estate, and avoid expensive architecture, to keep
their overhead costs lower.
What hours
will the church be available to you on the wedding
day?
On the wedding day, can
you arrive at the church early to get dressed and
set up? (If you get dressed at the church,
the bride and her assistants should be allowed to
arrive 2 hours early.)
Can you come and decorate
the church, or the aisles, or a reception
area? This may not be practical at some
churches if more than one wedding or event is
scheduled for the same day.
On the wedding day, can
you remain at the church long enough to complete
formal portraits after the ceremony, without
getting run out early before the pictures are
completed? (My rule of thumb estimate
is: you need two hours after the scheduled
start time of the wedding.)
What other events or weddings
are scheduled the same day as your
wedding?
If churches have another wedding happening
before and/or after yours, it is critically
important to know that fact, and to be told what
their schedules are.
Catholic churches will perform a wedding
every two hours during popular
seasons. Oddly your priest who performs wedding #2
may not be aware of weddings #1 or #3, because #1
and #3 had been set up by different staff
members.
Also the Catholic staff doesn't think to tell
you about the late Saturday evening Mass which will
also affect your photography schedule. Since they
have Saturday evening Mass every Saturday it
doesn't occur to them to tell you about it.
The reason it's important to know about other
events, is so the photographer or wedding planner
can work with you on a Plan B for group portraits
if you're suddenly tossed out of the church while
you thought you had been cleared to shoot
portraits.
To avoid that unpleasant surprise I recommend a
three pronged approach:
1. Plan your wedding day schedule with
your photographer and/or with a very experienced
wedding planner.
2. Absolutely start your ceremony when
you plan to start it. I recommend 10 minutes
after the scheduled start time.
If you start the ceremony even a few minutes
later than that for no good reason, you will
mess up the day's scheduling of your limousine, the
portrait photography, the chef, the ceremony venue,
the reception venue, the disc jockey ---
everything.
3. Ask what other events are scheduled
before and after yours, but don't rely on them 100%
to tell you the truth.
Some churches have tight
schedules, but not all churches are like that
When some particular Catholic churches schedule
weddings at 2-hour intervals, as a matter of
policy, they are NOT trying to satisfy your
photo needs. Their priority is to satisfy
their denominational need to accomplish a
specific Catholic sacrament. The Catholic marriage
ceremony, which they call a sacrament, is one of
several specific life milestones they provide for
their members. And their priority is to utilizes
their buildings efficiently while performing
ceremonies.
If their priority is different from yours, be
aware so you can plan appropriately --- either by
choosing a less popular date to get married on, or
by choosing a different church or denomination.
Smaller, less elegant church buildings will have
less demand upon their schedules.
I rarely encounter two-hour church scheduling
problems except in Catholic churches. Non-Catholic
churches have less aggressive scheduling.
(Non-Catholic denominations include Lutheran,
Baptist, Calvary Chapel, Presbyterian, Foursquare,
Church of the Nazarene ,Assemblies of God, and
"independent" churches.)
WEDDING PLANNERS: By the way
I do like the concept of hiring a
professional, independent wedding planner. Her fee
could be $2,000 or more but she could save
you the entire cost of her fee by avoiding
waste.
An experienced planner/coordinator will keep
your schedule on track, reduce your stress, and
give you better memories of a relaxed and terrific
wedding day.
A wedding planner who works for a hotel or
country club is probably experienced but may
not have the independence to save you money in
certain areas. An in-house planner is required to
favor services offered through that venue and its
business partners.
A wedding coordinator who works for a
church (probably on a volunteer basis) can be
very helpful too. But a volunteer will lack the
broad experience of someone who has done this
professionally at many locations over many years.
And as a volunteer they will not have a lot of
hours to devote to your specific needs. As a
volunteer she has outside time commitments too.
Is DANCING
permitted at the church, if you're having your
reception there
too?
Churches seem to divide
into three camps for dancing.
1. A couple's First Dance
is fine but no open dancing at the reception.
2. Dancing is fine for
everyone at the reception, but no dirty dancing,
keep it discreet, and no dance music which has
nasty lyrics.
3. Some churches prefer no
dancing at the church at all, use an off-site venue
for your reception.
Dancing is never mentioned
in the Bible as a sin. But churches want to avoid
offensive language (in music) or embarrassing
behaviors that become associated with their church.
What about
AIR CONDITIONING or heating in the
church?
If it's a summer wedding,
will we be able to keep the church's air
conditioning turned on at a comfortable
temperature? Will we be able to have the
air conditioning turned on until all portraits have
been completed after the ceremony? (If you're
miserable because they shut off the air conditioner
when you're taking formal pictures, it's a bad
thing, even if the church might save $4 on
electricity.)
Another gimmick is, some
churches will lock their thermostat to a
money-saving worthless setting where everyone is
miserable. I've never understood the reasoning of a
church that would charge you $400 to use the
facility, then makes you miserable to save $4 worth
of electricity.
If you agree to pay the
church a fee to host your ceremony, I strongly
recommend you negotiate an additional $10 to have
the thermostat kept at a comfortable level --
during the ceremony and also during group
portrait photography after the ceremony.
If they're unwilling to
cooperate, maybe find a better church. Thousands of
fine churches exist to serve their
constituents. No need to settle for a church that
rules their constituents instead. (There, I
said it!)
What is the
PHOTOGRAPHY POLICY inside the
church?
Our policy is to use flash
photography ONLY during the
PROCESSIONAL and recessional parts of a
wedding. This is acceptable to 95% of churches
today.
Why is camera flash needed
during the processional? Because when
people are walking up an aisle, their MOTION
will cause the pictures to be blurred. Electronic
flash solves the problem. Flash freezes motion.
The no-flash
rule explained
Once upon a time, an inexperienced photographer
used lots of flash during a ceremony and it caused
complaints. So churches came up with a rule.
That rule is the "no flash
during the ceremony policy." Here is what that
actually means translated into
English:
It
really means: No flash once the
pastor starts speaking.
That's
when the ceremony actually begins from the
pastor's perspective. Fortunately, that "beginning"
occurs until AFTER the bride has already walked up
the aisle to the front of the church.
The
occasional problem
A few church wedding
coordinators are poorly trained and have no
idea of what their own church's photography
rule actually means. In her zeal the coordinator
may prevent the photographer from taking pictures
which bride expects him to take. Like a
photo of the bride coming up the aisle or the vows.
So it's a good idea to clarify that rule before the
wedding day.
A photographer really does
want to take every picture the bride expects him to
take. Because he does not want to try
explaining an angry bride why he didn't take a
picture of her coming up the church aisle!
A poorly informed church
wedding coordinator gives a bad name to her church,
damages the ministry work of her pastor, and
discourages bride and photographer from ever
wanting to see that church again.
What about
VIDEOGRAPHY?
Newer video cameras are very sensitive to light
and may function OK using existing light
during the ceremony. It's an issue to discuss
before you hire a videographer, though, especially
if you plan to have a dimly lit or candle-lit
ceremony.
Unfortunately a few broadcast quality video
cameras need brighter lighting during ceremonies.
Before booking your videographer ask him whether he
needs to use bright halogen lights during the
ceremony.
We do not perform videography ourselves.
Early in his career Doug shot video, but concluded
he needed to concentrate on still photography
alone, to do that with excellence.
We always cooperate 100% with your
videographer, whether amateurs or professional.
Is champagne
permitted if you are having a reception at the
church?
The majority of American
churches don't want alcohol on their property.
European churches are more
relaxed about alcohol, realizing the chemical is
only a chemical. The real issue is how individual
people choose to behave.
There is an exception.
Catholic churches are generally okay with alcohol.
Large Catholic churches have reception halls on
their grounds in which members hold wedding
receptions, complete with music, dancing, and
alcohol.
When churches don't allow
alcohol use, it's generally because the founders
of their denomination saw families destroyed by
addictions, and would hope to avoid it. The Bible
itself speaks against misuse of alcohol but
not against the substance.
Does a church
require pre-marital counseling? Is
it even available?
Doug's perspective: I
believe this is the best part of wedding planning.
Because if a marriage
eventually fails, all those fancy wedding details
you worked on become worthless.
Pre-marital counselling
helps an engaged couple to get their expectations
out on the table for their future spouse to see.
Whatever those expectations are, smart or goofy, do
the two of you actually agree on
them?
Smart or goofy isn't the
issue. Agreement is. If you agree on things you'll
probably stay married.
Hint ...
Don't
marry a person so you can change them later --- it
doesn't work!!!
If you don't believe me, just ask any
counselor or divorce attorney how often they've
seen that be successful !!!
Answer the following
two questions accurately before a wedding and
you'll probably stay married...
1.
Do
you REALLY agree on expectations, or does your
potential spouse say "sure" and then plans to
blind side you later?
2.
Do you expect monogamy or are you marrying into a
sub-culture that promotes affairs? -- and expects
the other spouse to just put up with
it? Even though vows include a monogamy
promise, you'll want to find out beforehand if your
potential spouse actually means
it.
Asking the following questions
also help to assure a marriage that will
last...
3. Does your
potential spouse plan to be married to
you or to their previous
family? (If
in-law pressure occurs, will your spouse honor YOU,
or sacrifice you to appease the family they come
from?)
4. Does your
potential spouse have anger or
addictions?
5. If your
potential spouse's family had a history of child
abuse, how would you handle visits of your
future children to
them? (It's
common for abusers to guilt-trip their adult
children, to gain unsupervised access to kids. The
solution is for you and your potential spouse to
agree, long in advance, what level of access
you'll permit.)
6. Do you agree
on religious views?
(There are
three reasons for this question. First, behaviors
like monogamy and honesty tend to be associated
with religious values. Second, general agreement on
"stuff" makes for a marriage that is pleasant.
Third, religion might not seem important to you
today, but often becomes important to a
couple once children start being born.)
If your religious
background was unpleasant, there's no law that says
you have to continue attending the same obnoxious
denomiation. America isn't the Taliban. Consider
the suggested church evaluation standards below.
A
wedding photographer's perspective - Here's what I
learned behind the scenes about churches
WHEN
I EVALUATE A CHURCH'S QUALITY I look at three
things...
First, are their
beliefs "normal" or weird.
Second, is the
behavior of that church's staff consistent
with what they claim to believe. Are they honest,
helpful, approachable. Or not.
Third, how are the
ordinary people who attend that
church --- honest, trustworthy,
helpful? Or snooty, ill
tempered?
I am not overly picky
about which denomination a church is -- as long as
it succeeds on these three characteristics.
There's absolutely no need
in America to be stuck attending a creepy church.
There's no need to get married at a creepy one
either.
Churches are like
restaurants...
Shooting
weddings over 20+ years and seeing churches behind
the scenes I made an unexpected
discovery:
You can have two
churches of the same denomination (fill in
the blank for any denomination) where one
church is horrible and the other
"identical" church across town is very
good.
So if a person had bad
experiences at Church XYZ, it is simply not true
that every church is just like them.
That principle is true
whether one is rating churches or restaurants.
Logically, people who have
been "turned off to church" should consider
trying a better church across town. Hey - did you
give up food because you used to eat at a bad
restaurant? No - You stop eating at that bad
restaurant and find a normal one!
Please seek out a normal
church -- even if that disappoints your dear
sainted Aunt Hilda.
Principle: Churches
will be good or bad for the same reasons as
restaurants. It is a function of the character
of their leaders and staff. The leaders and staff
determine the quality of food they will feed you.
Bad food means bad leaders.
If you would like to find a high quality church
in our area, please e-mail or call me. I'll tell
you which churches I know are good and which
ones I'd avoid. I'm not on anyone's payroll to push
a particular denomination.
If you want to know what are the differences
between denominations, excellent paperback books
are available on this subject at any Christian
bookstore. Or you can look it up it online at
websites such as www.equip.org
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